The Diary

This page acts as my venting diary, if you've clicked this far, you should know that there will be sensitive content.

You've been warned. 

everyday im terrified im going to lose her. i dont know how ill be able to function without her and it scares me. im doing my best, im trying so hard to keep her going. its so hard and its so terrifying knowing i may possibly lose her and ill never have the actual confirmatiion that shes gone - that ill just have to know when she never messages me again. i want her in my life and im trying so hard. im researching, im trying to think of a plan. i dont want to lose her, thinking about it makes me fucking cry like a baby. im so scared, im so ungodly scared. i dont want that to happen. i dont want to lose her.

12:44pm - 7/13/2025

i shouldnt let small things bother me. but i do. such stupid fucking things bother me too. whats even the fucking point of getting upset about these things about a year or so later? not even just upset, but jealous. that so ridiculous. there should be no reason that when i think back on these things, they still make my stomach churn with irritation and the god forsaken feelings of jealousy. i feel so stupid about it too - and these people fucking sucked anyways - so literally whats the point. i know this is my corner of the internet, with this nestled even further in, but even now im too fucking embarrassed to say this shit online. i think back on shit and im just, wow. ok. what a stupid thing to be JEALOUS over but WHATEVER i guess.

like, what the fuck, lol. jealous over THAT? REALLY? maybe im just having a really bad night and when i have bad nights i think back on shit. not really what i expected though. i was fucking drawing, DRAWING. like wtf. but i be looking at this character and i get fucking IRRITATED when i think back on shit. how fucking funny, you know.

im a fucking idiot is what i am.

my day was shit, my night was shit, plans fell through that i was looking forward to. my cat ran away and came back thankfully, got scratched up. i was going to draw to destress, but now its fucking 2:20am on a goddamn tuesday in june and im angry and upset. 

great lol. fucking amazing.

edit : i cant draw this shitty gift anymore tonight without getting frustrated. fuck all of this. im going to sleep.

2:20am - 6/17/2025

There's nothing here . . .